running

What’s happenning now.

The hubby has made the decision after having a second opinion not to have the surgery. ( I realized that in my silence I hadn’t told anyone his decision. I just want another MRI in a few months so that we can make sure the nerve hasn’t  decided to fuse to the bone or the disc or anywhere else it shouldn’t be.)

I went to M&M and as we say refilled my well. I got a few request for partials and one for a full, so I’m busy looking everything over. I networked and simply talked to other like minded women. I danced my ass off.
And….
I ran a five miler for the first time. I ran the entire way even though the fourth mile kicked my ass. My mantra for the first three had been you can do this. My mantra for the last two was literally don’t puss out. (I’m a delicate flower can’t you tell)
I managed to run it in and hour and five minutes. Which if you knew me meant I was over my expected time by five minutes. Like that actually matters. What matters is, a few things that I’ve been working on for myself emotionally and mentally came together on that run somewhere along mile 3.  These are intensely personal and private and they needed to be worked out.
My hubby couldn’t refrain from the I told you so when I came home and told him some of the things I’d worked through. And I quote “I’ve only been telling you that for the past nine years.”
I refrained from reminding him that the household projects he’s suddenly developed a burning interest in? Yeah those, I’ve been gently and not so gently suggesting for the past nine years.  See no tit for tat even though it feels like I’m severing my tongue.

Then this popped up yesterday and the quote says it more eloquently than I have. This is the reason I run and sort of the reason I write:

“As I get older I see that running has changed for me. What used to be about burning calories is now more about burning up what is false. Lies I used to tell myself about who I was and what I could do, friendships that cannot withstand hills or miles, the approval I no longer need to seek, and solidarity that cannot bear silence. I run to burn up what I don’t need and ignite what I do.”

-Kristin Armstrong