Music Monday! MGK-Invincible

by | Oct 28, 2012

I run to this song, it usually comes on when I need that extra push. I had a conversation tonight with a friend and discovered that I needed to hear it tonight and probably on Monday morning. Then it struck me you might need to hear that you’re invincible too!
 

Betwixt and Between.

by | Oct 24, 2012

I sit in a place that is the middle
Betwixt and Between,
 if you will.
I inhabit a space,
that makes it difficult to settle.
Easy to bounce,
from one thought to another.
Betwixt and Between,
If you will.
Connecting
 Thoughts and Images,
Words and sounds,
Emotion and movement,
into
A cohesive tale.
Until
The only movement from me,
is the movement of my fingers on the keyboard.
Sound of the rythmic tapping of the keys
and
the occaisional murmur of
Betwixt and Between.

What’s happenning now.

by | Oct 16, 2012

The hubby has made the decision after having a second opinion not to have the surgery. ( I realized that in my silence I hadn’t told anyone his decision. I just want another MRI in a few months so that we can make sure the nerve hasn’t  decided to fuse to the bone or the disc or anywhere else it shouldn’t be.)

I went to M&M and as we say refilled my well. I got a few request for partials and one for a full, so I’m busy looking everything over. I networked and simply talked to other like minded women. I danced my ass off.
And….
I ran a five miler for the first time. I ran the entire way even though the fourth mile kicked my ass. My mantra for the first three had been you can do this. My mantra for the last two was literally don’t puss out. (I’m a delicate flower can’t you tell)
I managed to run it in and hour and five minutes. Which if you knew me meant I was over my expected time by five minutes. Like that actually matters. What matters is, a few things that I’ve been working on for myself emotionally and mentally came together on that run somewhere along mile 3.  These are intensely personal and private and they needed to be worked out.
My hubby couldn’t refrain from the I told you so when I came home and told him some of the things I’d worked through. And I quote “I’ve only been telling you that for the past nine years.”
I refrained from reminding him that the household projects he’s suddenly developed a burning interest in? Yeah those, I’ve been gently and not so gently suggesting for the past nine years.  See no tit for tat even though it feels like I’m severing my tongue.

Then this popped up yesterday and the quote says it more eloquently than I have. This is the reason I run and sort of the reason I write:

“As I get older I see that running has changed for me. What used to be about burning calories is now more about burning up what is false. Lies I used to tell myself about who I was and what I could do, friendships that cannot withstand hills or miles, the approval I no longer need to seek, and solidarity that cannot bear silence. I run to burn up what I don’t need and ignite what I do.”

-Kristin Armstrong

This year,this month, this day.

by | Sep 19, 2012

In the past year the hubby has hurt his back exactly three times. Each time has been a lesson in patience and perseverance for both of us. Sciatica and herniated disc do not a happy man make.

In the past month it happened again for the third time and now we’re talking surgery.

Today  we take it one day at a time and looking for the good in things, today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

“Ahoy me mateys. You best be having a good day.!”

Friends.

by | Sep 5, 2012

After reading Maria Geraci’s “A Girl like you.”

 and watching Big Bang Theory ( I know, two things you wouldn’t expect to be together right?) A subject that’s been circling my brain and much discussed with the hubby of late became a theme.

In “A Girl Like You.” The Heroine finds out that another character thinks she’s the ugly friend (henious description of a person you supposedly know and love) in her trio of friends. It’s interesting to watch the interactions between Emma and her friends, coworkers and love interest.

It got me to thinking about my friends and how far apart geographically we are.

I have really good friends here in Orlando. I’m talking about my friends from high school. The few out of the many that have stood the test of time. The disagreements, the years of silence, the years of hardship, those of loneliness and happiness.

The point here is that I have a few really trusted friends some old, some new. Some have no idea that they are even considered my dearest friends. Why you ask? Because I’ve lost people that I thought were my dearest, closest friends in the past few years. So as in writing I’ve discovered I fear rejection in life just as much.

So where does The Big Bang Theory come in?

I’m not as Sheldon put it one episode “the apathetic tertiary friend.” The person you turn to when your primary and secondary friends aren’t available for comfort.
I’m not the ugly friend (henious description of a person you supposedly know and love)either, but I am kind of the background friend. The friend you know you can call on if you need me but I’m not going to be front and center. In fact I sit back and watch and listen. I make sure you’re ok but I’m not going to be the girl insisting you spend time with me every weekend.

And part of the reason I don’t insist, is the fact that I have a family and I’m a creature of habit. The other part of that, I don’t want to be hurt. So I keep my distance and I retreat at the first sign on any perceived rejection. I’ll only make a move/ offer if I’m relatively sure that I won’t be rejected.

So much so that I’m not even sure the geeks that invade my house on a Saturday know that  they are some of my favorite people. Even though I cook for them when I won’t cook for anybody else.

I guess what I’m doing is working out my issues in public,( yeah the internet!) something I’m not overly fond of doing.but you get the idea. Hope you have a great day and thanks for reading this blog.

Chudney

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